February 18, 2013 § 3 Comments
It’s been some weeks since I started the Year of the External Me. Focusing on myself like that, on the things I want to achieve, the people I want in my life, it’s intimidating how quickly everything begins falling into place. Before any of it did, however, there was one key factor I was missing.
Last month was community manager appreciation day. It’s a day I love because, well, I’m a community manager! I was pondering community building and what it really boils down to. Building community is creating something that people want to be a part of. I brought that down a level further to my own life. How can I create a life full of genuine connection with people I love? By creating a life and a space that they want to be a part of. In that, it’s something I’ve got to love so deeply and so strongly that I never want to leave it and that I can’t help but want to bring more people into.
Though I’ve enjoyed many parts of my life to date, I wasn’t in that space at the beginning of the year. I had some work to do learning to love everything about who I am now and where I’m at. Meaning participating fully in the friendships and relationships (both personal and professional) that I’m engaged in and to just, excuse the language, but stop giving a shit what any of them think. Instead, I began operating from a space where my approval is the only one that matters. It’s powerful stuff!
Note: It doesn’t mean that I’ve stopped caring about the wants and needs of others, just that I put mine first. If I can meet theirs after that? Cool! But never to my detriment.
Almost as soon as I started focusing on internal rather than external approval, the domino effect began. The first result? I relaxed. Like, really relaxed. I remember a time last year where I’d wake up in the morning and my jaw would be clenched. Now, I still get tense, but I use that as a signal from my body that there’s something that requires my immediate attention. As soon as it’s taken care of, we’re on our merry way. Other noticeable changes? I sleep solidly. The time I never felt I had to spend with friends and family is suddenly there. The help I was looking for before is showing up. And I’m experiencing a shift in my relationships. The ones that don’t serve me are either falling by the wayside or evolving into something deeper and more supportive. I feel like I’ve become a part of something bigger than just myself. Like I’m contributing, but I’m not doing it alone.
And to think, it’s all because I’ve given myself permission to be bad at the things I’m bad at (like a perfect inbox. That’s just not in my cards) and to shine as brightly as I can shine where it’s easiest (writing and people!). So if you’re struggling or things in your life just aren’t falling into place like you keep wanting them to, I really have only one piece of advice for you:
Stop whatever it is you’re doing, whoever it is you’re trying to be. Instead, focus on who you actually are and accepting every single piece of you, whether you think it’s a flaw or a gift. Go for the glory, reach for the stars. Be bold. Be beautiful. Be undeniably you.