You do it to yourself…

You do it to yourself, you do
and that’s what really hurts
You do it to yourself, just you
you and no-one else
You do it to yourself
You do it to yourself

Oh Radiohead.  How much truth is in this chorus, well, you probably know because you wrote them.  The song, however has just implanted itself into my brain after a morning of doubt and fumbling, and some resulting blog posts.

I really did it to myself.  I did, and that’s what really hurts, I did it to myself, just me.  Me and no-one else.  I did it to myself.

What did I do exactly?  Well I let doubt get the better of me. As much as I wish I were at the point that I could spot doubt as it was starting to plant its seed and pull it out then and there like a weed that has not yet rooted itself in the ground, I am not.  And as of today, I generally acknowledge doubt after it’s had it’s way with me a few times.  And when it’s done, all I can think is “I’ve done it to myself.”

However, what’s the use in beating myself up over it?  There isn’t any.  Doubting myself doesn’t have to really hurt.  Not if I don’t let it, and not if I choose to learn from it instead of letting it get the better of me.  Because if I did it to myself, I can undo it to myself.  I can move past it, or I can dwell on it.  I’ve never learnt anything from dwelling on an issue, but I’ve certainly learnt much from moving past it.

The choice seems an easy one now… and Radiohead’s lyrics… more a chance to blame than an opportunity to move beyond.